And the mind…my mind feels in limbo between two realities. The first is the logical, linear dimension in which we all function. Work, chores, task lists, obligations. The second is the realm of the intuitive. Not quite a dream state or the subconscious, this is a state I would define as present moment awareness. We all experience it, maybe in a yoga class or when seeing something of natural beauty, like a spectacular sunset. Pregnancy, for me, has been the most I’ve ever occupied this state in my life. How could you not be present when a tiny elbow sticks out of your abdomen?

I’ve been in this artistic life, post-educational system, for a little over 12 years now. And no matter how much I’ve hustled or pushed or tried to jump ahead, I always get to my destination at the time (and learning) scale it was always going to take. For some projects, it’s lightning fast – a quick stir fry. Others drag on, like an overloaded casserole slowly coming to temp at 350. And some projects are on crockpot time, where I forget I’m even cooking something but miraculously, 12 hours later, end up with a delicious chili.

One of my favorite movies of this year's Oscar season was The Substance. Demi Moore gave the performance of a lifetime as an aging starlet who trades her lifeblood for a chance at being a younger version of herself. It's a gory depiction of the same idea I was circling around in that NYU thesis a decade ago, one that the ancient Yogis and Buddhists have been saying for thousands of years: attachment to an identity -- especially one that is based only on external validation -- is the ultimate form of suffering.