And the mind…my mind feels in limbo between two realities. The first is the logical, linear dimension in which we all function. Work, chores, task lists, obligations. The second is the realm of the intuitive. Not quite a dream state or the subconscious, this is a state I would define as present moment awareness. We all experience it, maybe in a yoga class or when seeing something of natural beauty, like a spectacular sunset. Pregnancy, for me, has been the most I’ve ever occupied this state in my life. How could you not be present when a tiny elbow sticks out of your abdomen?

The thoughts are not a maelstrom of anxiety. In fact, it’s the opposite. Like a child the night before they go to Disney world, the 4am laundry list amps me up for the day ahead. I realize that I am so privileged and blessed to be living and actively creating the life I’ve always wanted to live. There’s just a lot of work, effort and intention that get poured into it.

One of my favorite movies of this year's Oscar season was The Substance. Demi Moore gave the performance of a lifetime as an aging starlet who trades her lifeblood for a chance at being a younger version of herself. It's a gory depiction of the same idea I was circling around in that NYU thesis a decade ago, one that the ancient Yogis and Buddhists have been saying for thousands of years: attachment to an identity -- especially one that is based only on external validation -- is the ultimate form of suffering.